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Vulnerability Begets Vulnerability

Why do we think anger and resentment will cause others to give us what we want? Why do we think that force and might will get our needs met? Because it has in the past! We all know it works. We get angry. People cave. We get what we want.

But is that what we really want?

I think it is, until I get it. Getting what I want because of my well articulated anger or by causing fear in another though manipulation is the Rice Krispies of satisfaction. It looks satiating, but until I have fully ingested it, I didn’t know how hollow it would be. Then it’s too late.

The most annoy part of vulnerability is my pretending vulnerability is this highly valued, precious commodity. In reality, in practicality, it’s downright painful. Excruciating in fact. And, I have the proverbial Ph.D. in Aversion to Pain, which is not at all helpful in the vulnerability department.

When vulnerability has proven to feel shameful or disregarding in the past, it’s hard to learn to trust ourselves again. I had lived so far from letting people see me, I didn’t even know it was an option.

But here’s the beauty of it: Vulnerability Begets Vulnerability.

Experiencing vulnerability in another person draws vulnerability out of those deepest hidden places in me. Another’s emotional exposure causes a tenderness and longing in me. It helps me breathe in a new way.

So, will you be the first to be vulnerable, or are you waiting for someone else? Try it on someone in your life who is safe. You might be surprised at the deeply satisfying connection that is cultivated. My friends, it’s the dark chocolate satisfaction of relationships!


1 Comment

  1. Jessica TenBrink

    Tara, Thank you for posting this. I look at this in light of something that happened recently in a relationship of mine where I felt bullied into doing something I didn’t want to do. After a big fight ensued, the person who had bullied me wasn’t satisfied by the rice krispy treat of me doing what they wanted me to do in the first place. They realized that the rice krispy didn’t satisfy, but we felt a big rift because of it. If things could have started out from a place of vulnerability instead of “bullying”, everything could have gone a much different direction. I love the analogy of chocolate! 🙂


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