(719) 235-5325

Why I Love Porn

A new magazine shows up in the mail. I love the way my heart races and I get a bit woozy right after I pull it out of the mailbox. I make sure there’s nothing to distract me, relax into my favorite chair, and open the pages slowly. Two hours are gone before I know what’s happened.

The next day, I resolve not to get sucked into the compulsive vortex. I’m determined not to spend one more cent on the stuff. Then, WHAM! An email shows up with photos of exactly the material I like, or a salacious Facebook post grabs me. It almost seems unfair the way they drag me in.

Addiction sucks! That rubbish is all over my house. I get one little peek and it’s game over. I can’t stop. I have to touch it, smell it, imagine all the things I want to do with it. A skein of that sage green, bulky weight, 100% baby alpaca and I swoon.

Oh, did I say porn? Yarn, I meant yarn! I love YARN.  Damn you, autocorrect!

Everybody’s got a thing. I’m a compulsive knitter. The way I use yarn is not a lot different than how someone else uses exercise, shopping, or sex. Food has always been my primary drug of choice. Yarn has a similar affect. It distracts me, relaxes me. It’s amazing and works every time.

The difficulty with yarn is that I attribute way too much time and attention to it. Some evenings, I’d much rather snuggle up with new bamboo knitting needles and a gorgeous cashmere yarn than talk to a real person.

Now, there is nothing innately wrong with knitting. In fact, there is a heap of new research showing the benefits of knitting on trauma processing. (Knitting and trauma. It’s like the mother ship calling me home!)

Anyway, yarn and food aren’t the problem. My need to run from my feelings is. Time to relax, enjoy life, and bracket away the cares of the day is a lovely thing. It’s important to be able to do so. However, I need to be able to recognize when I’m running from my emotions and when I’m just needing some downtime. What am I avoiding? Am I shoving down pain, shame, fear, or anger? Is what I’m doing nurturing or avoiding my heart?

So, when another porn…eh, um..I mean yarn…when another yarn website is calling my name, I will take a moment and determine if I’m out of balance. I can enjoy pink, fluffy, baby sweater, creative yumminess without ignoring my deeper needs. The two things aren’t mutually exclusive.

Sex, knitting, food, and exercise are all beautiful things when they aren’t used as a weapon against our souls. I desire to stay awake, and that means understanding balance. What’s your weapon?



Get in touch with us today!
(719) 235-5325
movingforward@hedmancounseling.com


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